Professional Student? Seems Like It

So the EMT program has been in full swing for a few months now. I’ve been in school for too long. I’ve taken a lot of classes. Of course there are people who have taken more classes than I have, and been in school longer than me. But this class, this class is hard. It is frustrating. Sometimes I hate it. There’s not much direction or instruction given, it is very much a “learn on your own” class. Multiple times this class has challenged me with the decision I made to withdraw from the athletic training program.

            For so long all I wanted to do was be an athletic trainer, with Olympians, with football teams; athletic training was what I wanted to do. When I withdrew, I wanted to be an athletic trainer, now I just want to help people, save people, make sure they get the care they need.

            I learn by doing, athletic training is an active profession, being an emergency medical technician is active also. Trying to learn everything by sitting and listening to a lecture does not seem to be the smartest way to teach, or the best way to learn. There is very little time to apply the techniques we learn.

            Despite this, and despite the difficulties in how the course is being taught, the decision to go into EMT training couldn’t have been better for me. I had the opportunity to spend some time in the ER as part of the class last weekend and while I was there I knew that, when I’m able to work in this profession, that this is where I’m supposed to be. EMT’s do not spend their careers in the ER, it’s a transition place, but when I was there, I felt more confident than I had since I withdrew from athletic training. It’s exhilarating. Encouraging. I like it.

            All the decisions I made have led me to here. Some have been good, some easy, and some difficult. Everything changes and I’ve tried to adapt as well as I possibly could. Things change, but one thing has always stayed the same. God has been with me through it all.

No matter what decision I have made, He has brought me to this, and He will bring me through it. God is always there, and allows for me to be where I am, He is constant, and He has a plan for my life.

Trusting in Him with every aspect of my life will always be the best decision I can make every day.

I LOVE Football!

This post has almost nothing to do with football, but the title is true none the less. I do love football. I think its a great sport. If there was only one sport I could work with for the rest of my life, it would be football. I never get tired of it. I think the athletes are great to work with. Its exciting. It is a great sport.

When I made the decision to withdraw from school, I automatically disqualified myself from the internship with the Green Bay Packers. Having already sent in my application, cover letter, and resume; I now had to send a "hey I'm withdrawing my candidacy" letter. Do those even exist? How do you even start one of those things? Believe me, you cannot google a template for that kind of letter like you can a cover letter. But I wrote one, from scratch, tears forming in my eyes as the letters formed on my computer screen. When I hit send, one by one they rolled down my face. Sometimes I choose not to feel or care about things, it's much easier. Knowing that I was essentially giving up on my dream was heartbreaking. This was something I had cared enough to focus 7 months of perfecting my resume and cover letter for, and just like that, the opportunity was gone. People have told me I just gave up, or stopped trying, my decision to withdraw was a long thought out and calculated decision. It was a difficult decision, but there was a lot of conflict throughout the process, but like I said before, it was the right decision. Although, at the time, sitting in front of my computer after sending an email to the Green Bay Packers, crying; it did not seem like the right decision.

But life continues on. I still work as a waitress at the North Ave. Grill. It's still a good job. I still like it. There's no time to stop and look back and say well I should have done this, or that would have made this better. Nope. I made that decision, its done, move on, the day doesn't pause for you to look back and rearrange things so that everything is the way you wanted. You have to continue on when plans don't work out, when all your plans, goals, and expectations are tossed in the trash, you can't stop and wonder why it didn't work out the way you wanted. Believe me, where I am now in my life is not where I ever anticipated I would be. I wouldn't even have anticipated being here four or five months ago. My life had been moving, had been going somewhere. Then I stopped. Life didn't stop. I stopped. I got comfortable, I stopped challenging myself, I stopped dreaming or making goals. I didn't care. It is what it is, I'm a waitress….thats it. Theres nowhere else to go and I didn't care enough to change it.

Now…I'm trying to register for EMT courses, which is proving more difficult that I thought it would. But I'm excited. I want to be in these classes. I want to get my EMT licensure. Because I LOVE football. Because I LOVE to help people. That is what I do. I can put aside anything thats going on in my life and focus all my energy in helping another. Thats ok with me, and I LOVE to do it. Theres an adrenaline rush that comes from fast-thinking and fast-acting skills that would be necessary for an athletic trainer or an EMT. I want that. And I want to help people.

So I can't work with the Green Bay Packers as an athletic trainer. Nobody said I can't move to Green Bay and work as an EMT. An EMT that covers the Green Bay Packers football games. This is what I want to do…help people…and watch football. Lots of football :D

Life Chances and Life Changes

Well since my last post a lot has changed in my life. Over the summer I worked in the UWM athletic training room, inconsistently, but I was there working on my skills and enjoying athletic training again. When the fall semester started I began working with the Brookfield East High School athletics. I absolutely loved working at the high school. There was an energy there, and I absolutely enjoyed it. I was excited to be there and looked forward to each day I got to be.

I also began a new job after having hours cut at my previous job, I began waiting tables at the North Ave. Grill. I absolutely loved it. The job came at just the right time after losing hours at my other job. I still work there and have enjoyed getting to know the staff and customers. Its a great place, and much better than my other job.

The semester and classes dragged on and soon I felt the same feelings I had experienced the previous semester. The excitement was gone during classes, I did not enjoy going to classes, I began to feel anxiety going to class. The only aspects of the semester I enjoyed were seeing my classmates and going to the high school for their sporting events. My grades again began to decline and I soon began to wonder if I had made the right decision to continue on.

Over the summer I had worked with one of the faculty members at UWM in order to apply for an internship with the Green Bay Packers. I soon began to realize that my reason for staying in school was solely to get the internship with the Packers. As much as I wanted that internship I questioned how much worth the internship had if I was completely unhappy with the route to get there. I was so set on the Green Bay Packer internship, but through a series of events I was informed that I was expected to have almost 2 extra years of schooling before I could graduate instead of my anticipated half a year. There was very little explanation and after already completing a 4 year degree in a related field, I believed it to be unacceptable to go 6 years for a second degree. Especially in one where I had experience and a degree currently.

Halfway through the semester I made the very difficult decision to withdraw from the program and the university. I finished the semester but after much prayer and consideration of my future this was the best path to follow. Now my classmates are in their last semester before their internship and I am working as a waitress. I enjoy my job a lot, I am happy with my decision and believe it was the right one to make.

Now my sights are set on getting my Emergency Medical Technician certificate next fall and working as an EMT. In addition to that I plan on becoming a Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist as well as Functional Movement Specialist. Until then, I am enjoying my job, as well as my freedom from school.

The difficulty now is to not second guess. My goal was to work with the Green Bay Packers, and eventually go back to the Olympics. Now that is on hold, whether indefinitely or not I don't know. It's hard knowing where you want to be and not achieving that goal, especially after having success with others, such as going to the London Olympics and working there. Its hard to know what your goal was, and see others who are able to stick through and achieve a job that once you believed was the only thing you wanted to do. Certain dreams are fading away, or rushing away, without the chance of catching them, and new ones are hopefully developing. Theres still difficulty knowing that the dreams closest to your heart are gone.